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 In Love Relationships
Healthy Relationships

Healthy Relationships

By Christine Ferch

What is a healthy relationship?

For some individuals, the idea of a healthy relationship may seem foreign as it is something, they have rarely experienced both intimately and platonically. Some individuals may believe their intimate relationship is perfect, but due to gaslighting and other manipulative tactics, it is not actually healthy.

So, what is a healthy relationship, a healthy relationship is one were both partners feel supported and connected but feel a level of autonomy. The couple system has typical ups and downs but are survived through good communication strategies and appropriate boundaries, which are the two most important components to a relationship. When we cannot discuss our thoughts and feelings to our partner, we internalize and eventually our balloon of internalization will pop. There are many reasons such as the potential increase harm or safety to self if in an abusive relationship, a bit more detail will be discussed further, but for more on this topic see my blog on the cycle of abuse.

Within this relationship, both partners feel they can compromise on how they want their relationship to work and the boundaries which will frame it. You should be comfortable within your relationship to discuss your concerns, so you feel safe, loved, and supported.

Communication

Appropriate communication in a healthy relationship allows a deeper and intimate connection within the couple system. Both partners should:

               – treat each other with respect: no name calling

               – Ability to speak openly

               – Feel heard when expressing feelings

               – Have an ability to compromise

               – Do not criticize

               – Celebrate accomplishments and successes

Boundaries

Individuals within the couple system should be able to express what they are comfortable with and what they are not. This includes the following topics: Sex, finances, friends, family, and personal space. Positive boundaries within a relationship for both partners look like:

               – Ability to spend time with friends and family independently

               – No abuse of technology to check on partner

               – Trust in each other, no need to check-in

               – No pressure to do things they do not want to do

               – No accusations of cheating or being unfaithful

Other aspects which are important to a healthy relationship are:

  1. Trust: creates a solid foundation for autonomy, respect, and loyalty with your partner
  2. Patience: there are many factors which disrupt the moods, feelings, and thoughts of our partners. Some days, we will need to demonstrate patience for our partner and for ourselves
  3. Flexibility: To adapt to the needs which suddenly arise such as a partner becoming injured and household tasks fall onto the other partner
  4. Empathy: being able to see someone else’s perspective is important in a relationship because we do not think the same. We come from different upbringings and so different experiences on how to handle certain situations. You do not have to agree to see someone else’s side.
  5. Affection and interest: When our partner is affectionate, they are showing interest in who we are as a person, naturally, we enjoy it when people like us. If our partner does not like us, then what is the point of the relationship?
  6. Appreciation: Tell your partner about the things they do or accomplish which builds your appreciate. It builds security and makes us feel happier with our partner. Nothing is worse than doing a lot of work and having it go unacknowledged.
  7. Reciprocity: Doing things for each other whether out of the blue or when asked. No one in a relationship wants to feel as if they are doing all the work. This is how resentment and anger are built which can lead to passive aggressive communication styles. Tallying is ineffective and damaging, boundaries can help establish give and take within the relationship.
  8. Respect: this goes without saying, respect from our partner enhances many other components of the relationship in positive ways. If there is no respect, these other positive components will not have a true, positive effect.
  9. Honesty and Openness: To be honest about our thoughts and feelings, what occurs in our life and situations which tested the relationship boundaries. Openness is the ability to be comfortable with certain things in life such as natural bodily processes, our hopes and dreams, an ability to display your “true “self”.
  10. Conflict Resolution: the ability to compromise and be okay with not getting what you want. To solve conflict, we may need a break from the argument, but it needs to be returned to and be solved otherwise, it will loom over the relationship like a black lightening cloud waiting to strike.

Why are these important?

 Healthy relationships are important because they fulfill many aspects of what we enjoy about life. This style of relationship builds self-esteem, confidence, respect, and a desire to connect with another individual. Knowing what a healthy relationship is reduces risk and the potential for intimate partner violence to occur increasing safety for both partners in the relationship.

If you have any questions or want to build your skills as a couple or on your own to have healthy relationships, you can contact us at admin@ovcs.ca. Check out our other blog posts to see if there is an article that may interest you.

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We recommend also reading our article on Couples Counselling.

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attachment style & relationships
Attachment Style & RelationshipsLove Relationships
SUBSCRIBE Search Healthline How to Help a Depressed Friend Listen Help finding support Support therapy Take care of yourself Educate yourself Help with chores Extend invitations Be patient Stay in touch Recognize the forms Things to avoid Warning signs Do you have a friend who’s living with depression? You’re not alone. According to the most recent estimates from the National Institute of Mental Health, just over 7 percent of all U.S. adults experienced an episode of major depression in 2017. Worldwide, over 300 million adults and childrenTrusted Source live with depression. But not everyone experiences depression in the same way, and symptoms can vary. If your friend is experiencing depression, they may: seem sad or tearful appear more pessimistic than usual or hopeless about the future talk about feeling guilty, empty, or worthless seem less interested in spending time together or communicate less frequently than they normally would get upset easily or are unusually irritable have less energy, move slowly, or seem generally listless have less interest in their appearance than usual or neglect basic hygiene, such as showering and brushing their teeth have trouble sleeping or sleep much more than usual care less about their usual activities and interests seem forgetful or have trouble concentrating or deciding on things eat more or less than usual talk about death or suicide Here, we’ll go over 10 things you can do to help as well as a few things to avoid. 1. Listen to them Let your friend know you’re there for them. You can start the conversation by sharing your concerns and asking a specific question. For example, you might say, “It seems like you’ve been having a hard time lately. What’s on your mind?” Keep in mind that your friend may want to talk about what they feel, but they might not want advice. Engage with your friend by using active listening techniques: Ask questions to get more information instead of assuming you understand what they mean. Validate their feelings. You might say, “That sounds really difficult. I’m sorry to hear that.” Show empathy and interest with your body language. Your friend may not feel like talking the first time you ask, so it can help to continue telling them you care. Keep asking open questions (without being pushy) and expressing your concern. Try to have conversations in person whenever possible. If you live in different areas, try video chatting. 2. Help them find support Your friend may not be aware they’re dealing with depression, or they may be unsure how to reach out for support. Even if they know therapy could help, it can be daunting to search for a therapist and make an appointment. If your friend seems interested in counseling, offer to help them review potential therapists. You can help your friend list things to ask potential therapists and things they want to mention in their first session. Encouraging them and supporting them to make that first appointment can be so helpful if they’re struggling. 3. Support them in continuing therapy On a bad day, your friend might not feel like leaving the house. Depression can zap energy and increase the desire to self-isolate. If they say something like, “I think I’m going to cancel my therapy appointment,” encourage them to stick with it. You might say, “Last week you said your session was really productive and you felt a lot better afterward. What if today’s session helps, too?” The same goes for medication. If your friend wants to stop taking medication because of unpleasant side effects, be supportive, but encourage them to talk to their psychiatrist about switching to a different antidepressant or getting off medication entirely. Abruptly stopping antidepressants without the supervision of a healthcare provider can have serious consequences. 4. Take care of yourself When you care about someone who’s living with depression, it’s tempting to drop everything to be by their side and support them. It’s not wrong to want to help a friend, but it’s also important to take care of your own needs. If you put all your energy into supporting your friend, you’ll have very little left for yourself. And if you’re feeling burned out or frustrated, you won’t be much help to your friend. Set boundaries Setting boundaries can help. For example, you might let your friend know you’re available to talk after you get home from work, but not before then. If you’re concerned about them feeling like they can’t reach you, offer to help them come up with a contingency plan if they need you during your work day. This might involve finding a hotline they can call or coming up with a code word they can text you if they’re in a crisis. You might offer to stop by every other day or bring a meal twice a week, instead of trying to help every day. Involving other friends can help create a bigger support network. Practice self-care Spending a lot of time with a loved one who has depression can take an emotional toll. Know your limits around difficult emotions, and make sure you take time to recharge. If you need to let your friend know you won’t be available for a while, you might say something like, “I can’t talk until X time. Can I check in with you then?” 5. Learn about depression on your own Imagine having to educate each person in your life about a mental or physical health issue you’re experiencing — explaining it over and over again. Sounds exhausting, right? You can talk to your friend about their specific symptoms or how they’re feeling, but avoid asking them to tell you about depression in general terms. Read up on the symptoms, causes, diagnostic criteria, and treatments on your own. While people experience depression differently, being familiar with the general symptoms and terminology can help you have more in-depth conversations with your friend. These articles are a good starting point: Depression: Facts, Statistics, and You 9 Types of Depression and How to Recognize Them Causes of Depression What It’s Really Like Going Through a Deep, Dark Depression HEALTHLINE NEWSLETTER Get our weekly Depression email To help you prevent and manage episodes, we’ll send you expert guidance, compassionate personal stories, and tips. Enter your email Your privacy is important to us 6. Offer to help with everyday tasks With depression, day-to-day tasks can feel overwhelming. Things like laundry, grocery shopping, or paying bills can begin to pile up, making it hard to know where to start. Your friend may appreciate an offer of help, but they also might not be able to clearly say what they need help with. So, instead of saying “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” consider saying, “What do you most need help with today?” If you notice their refrigerator is empty, say “Can I take you grocery shopping, or pick up what you need if you write me a list?” or “Let’s go get some groceries and cook dinner together.” If your friend is behind on dishes, laundry, or other household chores, offer to come over, put some music on, and tackle a specific task together. Simply having company can make the work seem less daunting. 7. Extend loose invitations People living with depression may have a hard time reaching out to friends and making or keeping plans. But canceling plans can contribute to guilt. A pattern of canceled plans may lead to fewer invitations, which can increase isolation. These feelings can worsen depression. You can help reassure your friend by continuing to extend invitations to activities, even if you know they’re unlikely to accept. Tell them you understand they may not keep plans when they’re in a rough patch and that there’s no pressure to hang out until they’re ready. Just remind them you’re happy to see them whenever they feel like it. 8. Be patient Depression usually improves with treatment, but it can be a slow process that involves some trial and error. They may have to try a few different counseling approaches or medications before they find one that helps their symptoms. Even successful treatment doesn’t always mean depression goes away entirely. Your friend may continue to have symptoms from time to time. In the meantime, they’ll probably have some good days and some bad days. Avoid assuming a good day means they’re “cured,” and try not to get frustrated if a string of bad days makes it seem like your friend will never improve. Depression doesn’t have a clear recovery timeline. Expecting your friend to return to their usual self after a few weeks in therapy won’t help either of you. 9. Stay in touch Letting your friend know you still care about them as they continue to work through depression can help. Even if you aren’t able to spend a lot of time with them on a regular basis, check in regularly with a text, phone call, or quick visit. Even sending a quick text saying “I’ve been thinking of you and I care about you” can help. People living with depression may become more withdrawn and avoid reaching out, so you may find yourself doing more work to maintain the friendship. But continuing to be a positive, supportive presence in your friend’s life may make all the difference to them, even if they can’t express that to you at the moment. 10. Know the different forms depression can take Depression often involves sadness or a low mood, but it also has other, less well-known symptoms. For example, many people don’t realize depression can involve: anger and irritability confusion, memory problems, or difficulty focusing excessive fatigue or sleep issues physical symptoms such as stomach distress, frequent headaches, or back and other muscle pain Your friend may often seem to be in a bad mood, or feel exhausted a lot of the time. Try to keep in mind that what they’re feeling is still part of depression, even if it doesn’t fit into the stereotypical versions of depression. Even if you don’t know how to help them feel better, simply saying “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m here to help if there’s anything I can do” may help. Things not to do 1. Don’t take things personally Your friend’s depression isn’t your fault, just as it’s not their fault. 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But it isn’t something that can be cured with a few well-intentioned phrases like, “You should be grateful for the good things in your life” or “Just stop thinking about sad things.” If you wouldn’t say something to someone living with a physical condition, like diabetes or cancer, you probably shouldn’t say it to your friend with depression. You can encourage positivity (though your friend may not respond) by reminding them of things you like about them — especially when it seems like they only have negative things to say. Positive support can let your friend know they do really matter to you. 3. Don’t give advice Though certain lifestyle changes often help improve symptoms of depression, it can be hard to make these changes in the midst of a depressive episode. You might want to help by offering advice, like getting more exercise or eating a healthy diet. But even if it’s good advice, your friend may not want to hear it at the moment. 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