35 Signs of An Unhealthy Relationship
Unhealthy or Toxic Relationships
By Christine Ferch
At some point or another to some degree or another, we have all been in an unhealthy relationship. How did we know? Well, unfortunately, most of us probably did not notice it was unhealthy until a light bulb clicked, and we asked ourselves, “Why am I putting up with this?”, so sadly, it can be at the end of the relationship.
Would it not be nice to know the signs before we start dating, create feelings, develop acceptance of certain behaviours? It is natural in a relationship to ask yourself if you can live with some of your partner’s behaviours and if you feel that behaviour may change if they knew how you felt. There is a positive outlook to our partner’s behaviours, for more on what a healthy relationship looks like, you can check out my blog on that topic as well!
However, for some partner’s this can be the gateway to pushing boundaries and the start of unhealthy relationship patterns to develop. This is not your fault! Individuals who push boundaries and engage in unhealthy relationship problems are struggling with their interpretation of a healthy relationship and unaddressed inner conflict or/and trauma.
As you read through the signs, you may note that some of these things may occur in your relationship, and it is essential to note to the frequency and the intensity of the actions or words. As well, one or two signs may not indicate a toxic relationship, but it may indicate one may be on the horizon depending on what the signs are and how long the relationship has been.
So, what are some signs of an unhealthy or toxic relationship:
- There is no emotional connection or emotional support
- There is no connection or lack of trying to merge your two worlds
- Your partner belittles your intelligence while making them seem brilliant
- Your partner states you cannot do anything new because “you would not understand.”
- Your partner does not respect your boundaries
- Your partner only values one thing about you
- You see your enabling behaviours
- Your partner is disrespectful about your body
- Roller coaster of breaking up and getting back together
- When you state strong emotions such as fear, your partner laughs it off or engages in riskier behaviour
- Your partner uses manipulation to involve you in harmful activities such as lying
- You feel terrible about yourself, low self-love, and self-esteem
- You only receive negative attention from your partner
- You are unable to have a social life due to control
- Your partner starts to isolate you at home
- If you are successful, your partner tries to sabotage this success
- Jokes about leaving or telling you they have another partner on the side
- They are unfaithful
- Threatens to leave or engages in other manipulation tactics, so you agree with what they are doing/saying
- Your partner does not take accountability for their hurtful actions towards you, it was your fault when it was not
- You are worried about how they would treat children if you had them
- There is physical or sexual violence
- You avoid going home until you must
- Life feels out of control
- You catch your partner lying repeatedly
- You lose insight into why you were attracted to them
- You feel trapped, and if you leave you may get hurt
- There is a lot of criticism and defensiveness in the relationship
- You are ashamed of your partner’s behaviour, so you lie to others
- If you were asked to rate your partner, you would rate them below 3
- If you were asked if you loved your partner, you would say “no.”
- There is no affection or intimacy in the relationship
- Sex is coerced
- Cheating
- If they call you “crazy.”
This is quite an exhaustive list and does not include many other situations which arise in intimate relationships. Toxic or unhealthy relationships develop when there is distress or negativity in the couple’s ability to communicate, provide affection, establish dependence, respect, and boundaries.
If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, look at my blog on the cycle of abuse.
If you have any questions, concerns, or feel you are in an unhealthy relationship and want to work through it, contact us at admin@ovcs.ca.
